“Till death do us apart”- is it the reality for every marriage, or is it a utopian ideology? Is sticking to that social doctrine making you miserable day after day? If you are reading this article, then you might be fiddling with the idea to end your marriage for some time or might have even come to a conclusion to end it. We know the path leading you to a decision to divorce must be an agonizing one. Although it is easy to get into a relationship, it is tough to disentangle yourself from it. If it is a marriage that you want to end, you have some major decisions to sort out. Apart from dealing with your emotional well-being, you have to make decisions about your possessions, liabilities, and your children.
Although the process can be excruciating, you don’t have to end your marriage with bitterness. There is a way to end things on good terms and part your ways amicably. Here, we discuss what it means to have an amicable divorce and how you can end your marriage peacefully.
What Is An Amicable Divorce?
Divorce means separation, and the word ‘amicable’ before it signifies separating with no bitterness. When both parties in a marriage accept proper settlement of property, children’s custody, child and spousal support, and concede not to involve in any future argument over these matters, it is termed as an amicable divorce. It is a symbol of truce, where you promise not to fight over things, but you don’t have to cement a friendship.
With an amicable divorce, you might need a mediator or even a divorce lawyer to seek counsel and rightfully sort things for you. Once you have decided on an agreement, you have to file for divorce in a family court. However, settling your assets and responsibilities doesn’t necessarily make the divorce any less painful.
Why Is It Important to End a Marriage on Good Terms?
Just like marriage is not an attachment of just two people, a divorce also does not involve only two people. Marriage is a social institution where two families tie a bond. The longer you stay within a marriage, this bond grows stronger, and its roots spread further. When you are considering a divorce, you are also deciding how the members of each family interact with each other in the future.
While you are getting out of your marriage, your actions can break many other relationships, or you can leave them unharmed, opting for a peaceful solution. It can get more complicated when children are involved in a divorce. It cannot be stressed enough how vital it is for children to grow up in a stable family, where the parents have respect for each other. Considering all these, ending a marriage on good terms is a hundred times more desirable than a divorce that ends on bitter terms.
How to End Your Marriage Amicably?
While it is true that every marriage is different, and the divorce doesn’t always follow the same pattern, there is no harm in it to try for a good ending. Ending a marriage in a civil manner requires good intentions from both parties involved. Here, we have discussed some ways that can help you to end your marriage amicably.
End the Blame Game
Divorce often stems out from frustration from a relationship. Blaming each other for the failure of marriage is relatively common among partners. While it’s true that in most cases, both parties are responsible for the failure of the marriage, pointing out each other’s shortcomings is not going to bring a solution. Blaming each other for past mistakes is only going to pile up the resentment and bitterness.
Nobody is infallible in a relationship, so trying to find a black and white answer to “whose fault was it?” is rather foolish. Even if you feel logically entitled to point out who went wrong, don’t go down that path. And while you are at it, don’t try to shoulder all the blame yourself. And if your partner is such a person who can’t let go of past issues, you should involve a mediator who will help you both to see things objectively.
Remember It Is Not a Competition That You Have To Win
Divorce is not a competition, so ditch the mentality to slay each other. Even if you want to have the last word, remember nobody wins this way. Trying to one-up each other will get you nowhere; you will keep circling back to where you started.
At times, it may seem like you are being overburdened with responsibilities or false accusations. However, trying to counter every move the other person makes will only make the process excruciatingly longer. Put your focus on the big picture instead of focusing on every little combat. Remember, you are trying to end things through a divorce, not to start a new feud.
Don’t Let Your Children Be the Victims of Your Divorce
Children might be the worst sufferer of a broken marriage. While it is hardly fair for you to stay married and suffer in a failed relationship just for your kids, it is also not fair for your children to be dragged between your marital feuds. Don’t fight over custody or visitation of your children with your partner just to prove a point. Making them a pawn of your conflict will make your children feel they are the reason you are divorcing.
Before the divorce, talk to your partner about your children’s custody and find a solution that works for both of you. Trying to deprive the other party of your children’s company is not fair to your children or your partner. Your children have every right to meet both parents; don’t deny them of it.
Divide Your Assets and Belongings
Diving assets and liabilities are the most conflict bearer in a divorce after the custody of children. Even if you have only little assets or belongings to sort out, you might find it equally hard to navigate. Resources that you have previously shared mutually might be the most confusing to get sorted. Things that you have developed an emotional attachment with, such as a pet or a vehicle, are the hardest to part with.
Sit with your partner and discuss dividing assets before the divorce. Don’t leave liabilities and mortgages out of the discussion as they won’t stop just because you are ending your marriage. Negotiate all the finances in good faith, and you will come out of it happier.
Don’t Stop Communicating
Stopping communication is the worst thing you can do during a divorce process. Not communicating is only going to make an already hard process more complex. It can result in distrust and a sense of deception. Without proper communication, it can drag on forever, without any viable solution in sight.
Even if you feel uncomfortable talking to your partner one on one, you can try to get your opinion out there with the help of a mediator. If you have children and you plan on co-parenting, you should continue the process of communication.
Be Empathetic to Each Other
Although it may sound absurd to be empathetic to your partner during a divorce, it will help things go smoother. Try to understand each other’s perspective instead of getting blinded by revenge. It will put an end to the cycle of revenge. Compassion might be the farthest thing on your mind when your marriage is on the verge of breaking, but it will lessen your burden, and you will be happier getting out of your marriage.
You might be wondering why you would need counseling when you have already decided to end things. This counseling is not to mend your broken marriage; it is to smooth out the path to an amicable divorce. Marriage counseling may not work while you are still a couple, as you might not feel comfortable expressing to one another in fear of making things worse. But once you have decided on divorce, then all the expectations are off the table, and you can express yourself more clearly.
It can lead to a better mutual understanding and resolve any doubts about each other, making it easier for you to get through the divorce. It might also help you sort out any residual grief and help you move on with your life after the divorce.
Surround Yourself with a Positive Support Group
Surrounding yourself with a positive support group is crucial for ending a marriage on good terms. Divorce might make you feel extremely lonely, and you need people to comfort you and help you navigate in your solitary journey. Find friends with whom you can share your thoughts and who can build you up when you feel vulnerable.
Consulting with a positive support group can also help you think objectively. Seek out family or friends with whom you can share your problems and express your fears. However, avoid people who will try to provoke you by villainizing your partner. It can spark fresh anger and resentment within you that can hinder your divorce process.
On a final thought, although divorce is associated with social stigma, it doesn’t have to be a bitter experience. Divorce could be the beginning of a new phase of your life where both you and your partner stay supportive of each other’s decision. Once you have decided to put an end to your marriage, don’t burn the bridges by ending things bitterly. Forgive each other for the peace of your mind. And if you are going through a difficult divorce, make sure you don’t shy away from seeking professional help. It can make a world of difference for a peaceful divorce and your happiness.