When a child does not want to spend the allocated time with one of the parents, this is a behavior that warrants attention. There can be many underlying reasons for this, including parental alienation. One of the parents can program the child to harbor negative feelings toward the other parent. This can result in avoidance, passive-aggressive behavior, or straight-out aggressive behavior directed toward the alienated.
If such a case ends up at court, at the center of the case will be the well-being of the child. It is crucial to build a consistent file with proof to sustain allegations. The court will analyze and determine whether or not the child’s negative behavior is founded and then take steps to protect the child’s well-being.
Parental Alienation
The set of strategies used by a parent to distance the child from the other parent is known as parental alienation (PA). This usually occurs following separation or divorce. Furthermore, the parent who initiates these actions is known as the programming parent or alienator. The target parent is often referred to as the alienated. Parental alienation can employ a wide range of actions usually directed against the other parent; here are some of them:
- Making false statements
- Repeated accusations
The resulting behavior pattern exhibited by the exposed child is known as parental alienation syndrome (PAS). The term was coined by Richard Gardner, a child psychologist in 1985. The result of such actions is that the child’s perception of the target parent will be altered. This, in turn, will lead to behavioral change as well. The child will talk and act differently toward that parent. There is often underlying aggression or frustration that transpires from the deeds of the child. These negative emotions could have been imprinted on them by the instigator.
Here are a few signs of parental alienation syndrome:
- Constant and unfounded criticism of a parent.
- The child has the full support of the programming parent.
- The negative behavior is also directed to other family members who have ties with the alienated.
Documenting Parental Alienation
When noticing such behaviors in a child or former partner, it is important to take action. The sooner you acknowledge the negative behavior and act against it, the less damage the alienating strategies will do.
It is essential to document everything that might serve as evidence. The documentation should point towards a constant deviating behavior and not just isolated incidents. Make sure to save all communication that might serve to build a case against the instigator.
The main sources of evidence can be text messages on your phone, email communication, or any chat conversation online. Screenshots can be a great way to collect evidence. Also, social media can be a source of documentation for proving parental alienation. Posts and stories can serve as visual proof for a narrative.
As for the comments and behaviors from real-life circumstances, these can be jotted down in a journal. The more accurate a journal is, the better. If possible, provide context for an incident, do not simply write down isolated behaviors or comments.
The file thus compiled should be handed over to the lawyer chosen to represent the alienated. They can then use this to convey to the court your narrative. It is crucial to have concrete examples that signal a behavioral pattern from both the instigating parent and the child.
How Courts View Parental Alienation
Generally, courts militate toward a child having a relationship with both parents. However, this should be a healthy relationship. When the interaction between the involved parties starts to become infested with negative behavior, initial childcare arrangements between separated parents may change to ensure the well-being of the child.
When considering the well-being of the child, the court can take into account the following aspects:
- The child’s ascertainable feelings, thoughts, and wishes.
- Risk of exposure to harm.
- Each of the parent’s capacity to care for the child.
In a case involving parental alienation, the court will pay extra attention to what drives a child’s negative actions toward a parent. The behavior might be based on experience, or it could be unfounded and imprinted by the alienator. This is where the documented evidence comes into play.
Take Action
Parental alienation can be challenging to see and to prove. However, in order to protect the child’s well-being, the alienated parent needs to take action at the earliest signs. Documenting conversations and behavior is the best way to prove a case in front of a court.
Make sure to contact a lawyer who specializes in this field to represent you. Courts always put the child’s well-being first; this will be at the core of the issue. Also, do not only build a case against the instigating parent, it will benefit you to also build a case in your favor.
Comments 10
I’m in Florida now have 60/40 I’m being alienated I love my children I’m sorry I love our children I have tried to be a part of them my youngest seems to believe that her step dad is her dad this man and my ex has smacked them in there I don’t know the reason I’ve begged the mom to help me help them babies my sister killed her self and that was the reasoning behind this I’m heart broken my bond is broken and those lil girls think it’s my fault I have no money but need help I don’t want them anymore suffering it’s wrong what is being done mostly to them theyre mom has said they have daddy issues whatever that means and I’m not they’re dad that the step father is I can’t just sit here and watch this happen my little girls are convinced I don’t while the mom and dad puts hands on this is wrong I mean no harm for my ex or her husband but this isn’t right it’s abuse
Q: What is the best interest of children in family breakups/Divorce?
(It’s not which parent is the best fit)
Q: What is a basic human right for all children?
Q: Is one parent creating the conflict, coercively controlling, seeking power and dominance over the kids and the other parent to get what they want and are entitled to? (75%+ of the time it is one parent creating the conflict)
(Assess for Parental Personality Disorder/Mental Illness /15-16% of the population)
Q: Is one parent making false allegations of abuse for the first time or repeatedly?
(Assess for Child Abuse and Parental Personality Disorder/Mental Illness)
Q: Is one of the parents against co-parenting and following a child custody order?
(Assess for Parental Personality Disorder and Mental Illness)
5 Factor Model assessing Psychological Abuse and Maltreatment of Children (Parental Alienation):
1) Is there a break in attachment between a parent and a child?
2) Was there a prior loving relationship before the divorce?
3) Was there ever any real abuse (founded) of the child by the targeted parent?
4) Has the aligned parent engaged in any of the 17-12- cc – CR alienating strategies?
5) Does the child have the 8-3 alienated child symptom display?
If Yes – Yes – No – Yes – Yes –
You have a child who has been psychologically maltreated, brainwashed, emotionally tortured , held hostage and alienated from a loving parent by the other alienating parent.
These children need protection from the alienating parent. IT IS A MENTAL HEALTH EMERGENCY!
The Alienator is a Controlling , Brainwashing, Emotional Hostage Taker, a Personality Disordered Unfit Parent
who is seeking power, control, dominance (and revenge) of the children and the target parent.
Protect the child – Custody goes to 100% – 0% until the Alienator gets rehabilitated. After Rehab custody goes back to 50 – 50 with safeguards in place.
I have not seen my Granddaughter in almost a year now. Her Mother is everything and ALL this article speaks to. The fact that a person can do this and NOT be put in jail … and there is no legal recourse… is sickening. They have SHARED CUSTODY … and she REFUSES to allow my son or anyone on our side of the family to have any contact with her and $15,000.00 in lawyers fees later … there is no end in sight. NOW I understand why some parents go to extreme measures when it comes to their own children. My biggest fear … that either me or my wife die … and never sees her again. What is Child Abuse … this.
My sons girlfriend had the baby Jan 8th baby was not due till Feb 11th NOBODY Has even yet to let us know that the baby was born I found out by accident. There is a restraining order in tact where my son can’t contact the mother he has to go through the stepfather, but they have not answered one text one phone call I’ve even been to the house and they still have night responded. I don’t even know if my granddaughter is OK or not. What do I do?
Need representation in matter for & of minor toddler.
Our 10 yrs long abusive op
After13 yes with husband
I have parental alienation.
I have sexdrug trade traffic
I have rights to my 3sons; bearly see them.
State of MT tring to custody control
Leave us in a dangerous situation
WEAPON OF GOV AUTH
AGAINST BEST INTERESTS
I live in Canafa, and we have the same problems as the United States.
My daughter lost full custody because of those words, parental alienation . Her ex started using these words over 2 years ago The Childrens Aid believed what he was saying, and no matter what we do these words are kiling us.
It is all a ‘she said , he said’ but her ex has a strong personality and relates this wrong information tò the school, and other parents. We have gone through so much stress, and this poor child went from being happy to a sad 8 year old.
It has cost us $150,000. so far and because she lost custody , she has to pay his court costs, which he says is $180.000.
We dont know how we will survive.
I have to say your theory of fathers not having rights is incorrect. I lost custody to an abuser and I am only allowed one weekend a month with my 4 yr old. My son’s father got sole and legal custody. This all happened in the state of Missouri. It’s on appeal because there were many many errors made and none of the evidence was reviewed. Now I’m having to face reality with PA. my son is being coached on what to say and it’s heartbreaking because I can’t change it. My son thinks I want nothing to do with him and his behavior towards me is awful. The courts failed me and retraumatized me. I did everything right by my child. It was the judge/commissioner who has failed all of us because she was biased.
I have to agree with you. In the state of FL they really do not give fathers who want to be in their Childs life the opportunity. The have this ridiculous 60/40 split (in this case they were not married). Court systems are constantly FAILING these children. My stepson is 13 and want’s to leave his mothers house and live with his father. They instill punishments such as taking away hi mattress, pillow, bedsheets, and have made threats to even remove meals. They have harassed him at his school email and talking bad about his father endlessly. The age of the child is 13 and he hears them constantly having relationships, they curse at him and hit him in the face…….. I wish there was a way instead of spending money through a lawyer where the court can do home studies and with a psychologist, test, professional, ect to determine the conditions that the child is living in. It pains me because he has had a lawyer take $6000 from us and we tried to fight it but lost the case. So How are we supposed to “PROTECT” our children when the court system is not following up? They allowed the child to be with a relative who is blood related but is a registered sex offender. That is when I lost hope and faith in the system. They really need to implement follow up’s on these case. I feel for every parent who really wants to be in their childs life and the court system/other parent is making that difficult for you. I will say that the Children do notice you consistency, love, effort, and realize that the other parent is causing them damage.
Hello I’m a disabled grandmother writing on behalve of my daughter and grandson he accidentally fell out of our third floor window trying to get our cat from behind a couch dcf made up a story that my artitict grandson pushed him when it was already told to the police at the Sean that he was trying to get the cat and fell out the window there was no nigglect charges filed it was look at as an accident now each visit he tell how his dad says mom doesn’t want him or his brothers doesn’t matter he explained to me and my daughter how he thought the cat fell out the window strange but we’re not sure what to do he stays with his father in Danielson ct with his brother my daughter has her own apartment with her other two kids lawyers on vacation right now but any words of advice
In my experience, the courts don’t care about PA! My ex has alienated me from our 7 children! It absolutely ignored me as a father! It has also devastated me! Our current court system has swung to the extremes! At first the Mothers were left with little recourse, now it’s swung to the other extreme where fathers literally have no rights, in the eyes of the judges I’ve been in front of, everything was my fault, even though my ex is one who filed for divorce! I’m not going to rant anymore, suffice it to say, I think our court system SUCKS!!